My guests have gone out for dinner and the furry boys and I are chillin’.
It’s been a busy week and I’m so grateful that I could be home, available and present for the out-of-town visitors. Under normal circumstances I would have made the obligatory appearances, cut out early and focused on getting ready for “work tomorrow”. This Involvement Thing is a big improvement over the self-imposed solitary confinement I’d been living. It feels like I’ve re-joined my family & friends after a very long stint at sea. In a group I still feel a bit like a fish on dry land but overall, yeah. I think I can do this whole human-connection gig. It’s merely a different school.
Go ahead, listen first, then come back. I’ll wait….
So, I knew these things instinctively. For YEARS I said we needed noise abatement, fewer disruptions, stop that damn door from opening every 15 seconds. I CAN’T HEAR MYSELF THINK!!!!! But you know what? I was ignored. Net result? They didn’t get their money’s worth from me, at least not by MY standards. It was driving me NUTS to spend 5-6 hours a day doing stuff that should take me 1 hour. What a waste of my life. Because really? The last few years of watching my family, friends & neighbors die has provided me with a sense of urgency about living and pursuing the things that I am interested in. I needed TIME to do that.
And now, I have it.
Today’s adventure is a road trip to Luck, WI to rescue an injured owl and take it to The Raptor Center. Wonder what I’ll see along the way? Cheerio, kb.xo
I’ve been working for 42 years and suddenly, there’s no one expecting me.
Cue the song: “Free Fallin’ ” – by Tom Petty
That’s how it feels. Or like a working stay-cation. The structure of my days is gone. Once this week ensued, and the brain fog started to clear, I realized how utterly defeated I had been feeling before; disengaged and yet tightly wound. These 3 days pulled focus on that fact. Though I could feel guilty about the abrupt departure from my job (4 days notice), the truth is this: I.Hit.The.Wall. No fuel, no spark. DONE. Zombie. Where’s my brainz? So the responsible thing to do was to stop collecting an unearned paycheck.
Gotta admit: it feels good to putter away at my own pace and on my own schedule. A little housework, a little paperwork, a little phone work, a few errands…all with NO soundtrack. No Pandora, TED Talks or Audible. Just me and the furry boys and the birds outside. I have made a pact with myself:
Pace yourself. Do not try to accomplish your “to-do scroll” all in Week 1.
Yesterday, between gathering & delivering required paperwork and making arrangements by phone for medical assistance &/or the Assisted Living Elder Waiver program, I spent an hour and a half with the Department of Human Services. Today, I spent 45 minutes just chatting with Dad while he laid in bed. His 78th birthday was last Friday which coincided with my last day of work. He doesn’t expect to see 79. Frankly, I’m surprised he made it to last Christmas. For years he had vitiligo on his hands. Now his skin is so pale and papery that the discoloration is no longer visible. His vision and hearing are shot and his memories have drained away. He has no interest in anything. But I can make him smile. That will have to do. If I can help ease his transition to whatever comes next, that will be the best possible way I can spend my time.
Pandora Plus® fed me the Gorillaz song “Clint Eastwood” this morning for breakfast. This post title is the hook line from that song, and a perfect segue for today. Yesterday I disclosed my plan to my employer to take a leave of absence. Today we will discuss it over coffee at Caribou.
It’s becoming a reality.
Denise DT is dead-right about pursuing goals that scare/inspire us in equal measure.
Despite that fact that I have NO idea how we will cover our bills for awhile, in my heart, I know that I’m doing the right thing. My parents and our little nuclear family deserve my undivided attention. Attention doesn’t pay cash, but perhaps it does generate dividends. That will have to be okay for now. In the meantime, my fear about it will store nicely in a SpaceBag. If it’s still there when I come back to open it, I’ll deal with it then.
This final tidbit comes from the “Lucky Bitch Manifesting Formula”.
I spent 2 hours this evening watching all 5 parts of this free training course: Denise DT’s Manifesting Formula. Printed the Worksheet, took notes, did the work, made an action plan. Intuitively, it feels right, familiar even. I have personally experienced how things come together when you are open about your goal. It is magical. An example comes to mind: Several years ago, a friend and his wife agreed to take in for one year (at minimum) 4 of his own grandchildren while his daughter sought treatment to overcome an addiction. The children lived in Texas, these friends were in Minnesota. The kids were ‘relative strangers’ in a very literal way. As my friends made preparations to welcome the kids and to have sufficient sleeping areas for them, it occurred to me that I could contribute by sewing some quilts. While I had made some quilts many years prior, I was out of practice and knew I needed help. So I started talking to family and friends about what I planned to do, and next thing I knew, help began to trickle in. Co-workers donated funds to purchase materials. My daughter and her friends jumped on the quilt-wagon too. One offered a box of fabric remnants and a couple of others (who were art students at the time) used their artistic training to design 2 quilt themes using the fabrics we had gathered. Another girl made the calculations and we had a happy afternoon cutting squares and laying them out to build the design. Then we got busy sewing. After the initial weekend, it was just me working on the quilts every night after work and on the weekends. They had to be done before the kids arrived – one month was the deadline. My Mom decided to chip in her crocheting talents and make 4 afghans – one for each child to keep as their own. Somehow, everything was complete, washed and delivered on time for Day One.
Ta-da! Proof that manifesting works. Decide what you want to accomplish and then, GO, make it happen! I highly recommend that you watch Denise’s video series.