Unemployed: Week 1, Day 3

I’ve been working for 42 years and suddenly, there’s no one expecting me.

Cue the song: “Free Fallin’ ”     – by Tom Petty

That’s how it feels.  Or like a working stay-cation.  The structure of my days is gone.  Once this week ensued, and the brain fog started to clear, I realized how utterly defeated I had been feeling before; disengaged and yet tightly wound. These 3 days pulled focus on that fact. Though I could feel guilty about the abrupt departure from my job (4 days notice),  the truth is this:  I.Hit.The.Wall.  No fuel, no spark.  DONE.  Zombie. Where’s my brainz?   So the responsible thing to do was to stop collecting an unearned paycheck.

Gotta admit:  it feels good to putter away at my own pace and on my own schedule. A little housework, a little paperwork, a little phone work, a few errands…all with NO soundtrack.  No Pandora, TED Talks or Audible.  Just me and the furry boys and the birds outside.  I have made a pact with myself:

 Pace yourself. Do not try to accomplish your “to-do scroll” all in Week 1.

Yesterday, between gathering & delivering required paperwork and making arrangements by phone for medical assistance &/or the Assisted Living Elder Waiver program, I spent an hour and a half with the Department of Human Services.  Today, I spent 45 minutes just chatting with Dad while he laid in bed.  His 78th birthday was last Friday which coincided with my last day of work.  He doesn’t expect to see 79.  Frankly, I’m surprised he made it to last Christmas.  For years he had vitiligo on his hands. Now his skin is so pale and papery that the discoloration is no longer visible.  His vision and hearing are shot and his memories have drained away.  He has no interest in anything.  But I can make him smile.  That will have to do.   If I can help ease his transition to whatever comes next, that will be the best possible way I can spend my time.

Here’s to “whatever comes next”.    kb.xo